“How much was it?”

“6-7 I think… It costs the same as my other bag; it’s just a different colour that came out season”

“I f*cking love it! But I was going to set my limit at 5 hundred”

Hundred? Seriously… wait, how much?! I thought to myself as I overheard the conversation of two girls occupying the same elevator I was in. How is it possible for someone to be willing to spend so much… on a bag?

It wasn’t my place to think much else of it. Their money. Their choice. I carried on with my journey.

I handed the overdue recording equipment to Dave, the technical guy at my university.

“I did something silly today, I already got the bus here today to bring the equipment this morning but for some reason forgot why I’d come so went back to my flat.”

Looking back I can see how unintentionally false I was being, making light of the fact that I’ve become so distracted and saddened recently that I was beginning to lose my mind hence the forgetfulness.

The worst part was, I had little idea as to why. So often I am told how I have everything going for me as a young woman in this world, I’m not denying that, I’m lucky and more importantly thankful.

I’d be a fool to let opportunities pass me by. So I don’t. I take them where I can and help others where I can too. My summer plans are set, God willing I can set up my new charity project soon; I just first need to rid whatever is phasing me.

I feel like I exhaust my friends, describing to them only the surface of my discontent, followed by my lack of resolve. Months slowly turn into years. Time seems not to be the healer everyone imagined it to be.

It’s not natural for me to contact anyone when I engage in deep thought over spirituality, personal anxieties, or existence in this world. It’s not an option for me, never has been so you would probably be correct in concluding my reasons for this writing.

Morals and principles are core in my system of belief. I make mistakes. I am more than conscious of this. But in everyone’s life, a path must be chosen. This particular one determines their lives. A few years now I’ve walked on the path I chose.

I believe in God. And this relationship I truly believe in keeping to myself, despite the speculation amongst those who share my beliefs and those who do not. I do not need or want praise from those who share my beliefs, nor do I need the ridicule from those who do not. Those who react to either, I think, slightly insecure which of course is natural but slightly concerning when the proclaim devotion.

Importance lies in recognizing open-mindedness as a trait in the devout. The understanding of others’ beliefs is a crucial component of peaceful co-existence. Agreement is not mandatory, just listening ear. This is a concept elusive to many, acquired by the blessed.

After dropping off the equipment I indulged with a white chocolate mocha in a café whilst reading a book my best friend had given the night before to help me have an understanding of a religion debated so often; Islam. I refuse to gain knowledge of a religion from the internet, or others’ proclamations. Reading a profound understanding, one I could trust to then make my own conclusion was what I needed. The title; “Islam and the destiny of Man”

Unexpectedely I began to theorise the source of my own unexplainable discontent. The author, Eaton speaks of his correspondence with the writer L.H Myers.

“When I asked if he had put all his serenity into his books, leaving nothing for himself, he replied: “I think your comment was shrewd and probably true.”

Myers lived a life of adventures, possessed charm, wealth, good-looks and of course wise words. But even the wisest words could not save him. 3 years after Eaton approached Myers about the lack of serenity in his life, Myers committed suicide.

“His wisdom had been only in his head. It had never penetrated his human substance.”

Knowledge learned and morals undertaken proceed to action helping others but provide little comfort when not connect into the core of a person’s soul. As the saying goes, it is often those who use wise words who are stronger than those who merely deliver them.

The search for truth, knowledge and understanding of existence can lead to motivation in a persons life, naturally make this world a more peaceful place. But to others, a void unfilled can lead only to more discontent, an obsession you could say. Wise-words we hear all so often derive from the discontent of those who have dug deep to find them.

Pursuing philosophy is no bad thing, in fact I believe the lack of questionning is the reason we find so many problems unsolved in the society we live in. But when we live in a world where the questioning of “Why?” is quickly grown out of as children become adults, those who do continue are faced wondering why they still question whilst others are content with the trivial; materialism.

At this point I realised perhaps deep down I wished I could be like the girls who were conversing over their handbags in the elevator. Why could I not be content living like they do? Would it not be easier to seek materials than whatever it is I’m looking for? A balance needs to be kept, a quest on a level that can be applied to our lives.

It seems I have detached myself from the world of materialism, which yes I am glad about, but I’m begin to wonder if I severed my attachments from everything else too. My friend once too suggested my difficulty lied with the fact that I had nothing to hold on too. A quote by Eaton to match my thoughts:

“All I knew was that I knew nothing… and I was paralysed by my ignorance as thought immobilised in a dense fog”

Adoption of faith, knowledge, understanding, logic and action is inadequate without intertwining them with mind, body and soul. Realisation is the first step.